Better to Move On Than to Hang On
by narutobleachfan101
Summary: Now in a relationship, Gin was taken aback by Hijikata's confession. He told him that he'll wait for his answer. Gin doesn't know what to do. He was only in one relationship gone dysfunctional. Does he still have these lingering feelings? What is his ultimate answer? HijiGin Past!TakaGin


**Saya**: Well, it's been a long time since I dabbed into Gintama. Maybe it's because, oh, I don't know…the second movie coming out this summer! I want to be there so bad! I really don't want it to be a troll movie or saying it's the finale of Gintama. My heart can't take it. I'm getting off-topic. I haven't wandered into the yaoi section of Gintama. Specifically Takasugi x Gintoki. It's my favorite pairing, right after HijiGin. Anyway, I made a oneshot. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own this series. Give me a break.

* * *

**_Better to Move On Than to Hang On_**

Smoke. That hazy, see-through air smelled familiar to Gintoki. Tilting his head sideways, he saw the man take another puff. He caught his gaze.

"Hm, what?" Hijikata saw the crimson eyes focus on the open window.

"Nothing."

"'Nothing' my ass. Spill," he said. "What's on your mind, Yorozuya?"

"Do you really need to know, Ogushi-kun?"

"Teme." Hijikata's eyebrow twitched at his nickname. Frowning, he turned around to not look at the silver samurai. It was hard though. The man laid naked, with only a thin blanket covering his sculpted body.

It had been a month since they became lovers in a physical sense. The two men were on the same mission, stopping Amanto from delivering drugs. Unfortunately, when the job was done, they accidentally stumbled upon an aphrodisiac. It was powerful too, unable to walk. Then, Hijikata had the craziest idea. They decided to help each other, despite hating each other's guts. It was over.

So the silver samurai thought. Whenever the kids weren't with him and he ran into the Shinsengumi officer, they somehow ended up having sex. Hijikata was stressed from his job and needed an outlet. Gin needed some sexual release. They agreed on a mutual ground.

However, something unexpected happened.

_"Yorozuya."_

_"Hm?"_

_"I love you."_

_"…Hah!?"_

The man ran his hand through his silver perm, recalling the memory. Hijikata told him afterwards that he'll wait for his response. The two men continued their one-night stands, but with the black-haired man wanting something more.

"I should have known better than to ask." Taking another puff, the man blew the smoke into the air. He felt a strong stare and saw crimson eyes looking at him. Rather, at his cigarette. "What now, Yorozuya?"

"When did you started smoking?"

"Hell if I remember. Why?"

"You remind me of another smoker," Gin said, looking out the window, diving into his memories…

* * *

**Gengai Arc**

When they met for the first time again, after so many years, Gintoki wished they didn't meet as enemies. There were so many words he wanted to say to the man. To say his apologies. To say that he returned the feelings. They never came out. Instead, smart remarks left his lips. He wished he could take them back.

Once the crisis was over, Gintoki searched for the man. He was nowhere in sight. Only his blood on the ground, dried up.

* * *

**Benizakura Arc**

Despite saying those things, the silver samurai didn't mean it from the bottom of his heart. He was just caught up in the moment. No matter what, his feelings didn't waver or change for months. Not even when he passively killed his client's older brother. Not even when he put red marks on his and Katsura's heads.

His feelings will never change until the end of his life.

As Gin clung to Zura's legs ("Zura ja nai. Katsura da."), he turned his head. An instant mistake. When his subordinate disappeared, Takasugi stared solely at him. Their eyes connected for a second, feeling as if it was an eternity. He narrowed his eyes as the man mouthed something. He recognized it, and Takasugi walked away from the ship's edge.

"Baka."

* * *

**Shinsengumi Crisis Arc**

Slightly tipsy, Gintoki walked through Kabuki-chou. The white moon shined brighter than most nights. He walked too closely to the canals. Several police officers tried to escort him home, but left him alone when they saw something in his eyes. His crimson eyes, while hazy, screamed to stay away from him.

That was when he heard it. The soft plucking of shamisen strings. That same instrument made his body shiver with pain. The wires Takasugi's right-hand man really did bite into his skin. Nonetheless, the music drawn him closer to the canal. It sounded so lonely. A lonely cry echoed through the waters.

"What a coincidence."

Gin's eyes slightly widened. That familiar voice…

"Yo, Gintoki."

"Takasugi."

"You look a little dizzy."

"Shut up, you terrorist." Gin shook his head, scratching his head. "I was drinking to dull the pain your friend gave me the other day." He heard a chuckle from the one-eyed samurai and glared at him. Takasugi leaned against the doorway.

"If you were still the Shiroyasha, you'd kill him in a second." The man saw Gintoki turned his head away, looking down. "You really did grow soft." Despite his threats of killing the silver samurai, he didn't want to act on it. Those stupid feelings lingered on, even though they didn't see each other anymore. They were enemies, but…

Was that how they feel about each other personally?

"Ow." Gintoki felt his head pounding. He probably wasn't going to make it back home. Maybe he'd end up in a park, laying on a kiddie slide. Without warning, a hand snatched his wrist. He was pulled into the boat, and the door shut with a slam.

"Taka–" The man's lips smashed against his. It was cold. Desperate of warmth. Maybe he can blame it on the alcohol when it was over. Right now, he wanted to lose himself before the sun rises over the horizon.

* * *

The silver samurai was in a naked position. He and that man were in a boat floating down the canals of Edo. The boat rocked from the waves. His eyes landed on the man, who wore his kimono, barely covering his front. He sat on the boat's window and looked out into the night view of the city. Taking a long puff, he released smoke into the air.

"When did you started smoking–" The man turned his head around. "Takasugi?"

"You'd be surprised what habits you pick up after your lover leaves you." Takasugi frowned at the silver-haired man. "Gintoki, what compelled you to leave? We could have won the war with your help." When the other didn't answer, he shook his head. The man had his reasons and didn't share his thoughts with anyone else. Sakata Gintoki was the kind of man.

"Ne, Takasugi." The man sat upright, scratching his head.

"You used to call me 'Shinsuke.'"

"Shinsuke–" The word sounded foreign on his tongue. It had been too long since he called him by his first name. "Did you really mean what you said that night?" He referred to the night when the two men first made love. Seeing that if they died on the battlefield, it was better to confess their feelings than take it to the grave.

"I don't speak about weak feelings like love anymore," Takasugi said, smoking another puff. He stared at the full moon, before shifting his eyes to the silver samurai. Despite the fact they were enemies, he held a weak spot for Gin. It had been too long since they last saw each other. "But I did mean it then. It hasn't changed at all."

"What do you think of us now?"

"Do you still feel the same way about me?"

"Dunno." Takasugi stood up and put his pipe down. He walked away from the window and towards the silver samurai. He crouched down and cupped his lover's face.

"That's the annoying part of you. So vague with your words–" Bringing his face close until their lips were barely an inch away, he said, "But your actions speaker louder than them." The man smashed their lips together, and Gin tasted the lingering tobacco. It became the second time they performed carnal acts without a care in the world, as the moon as their only witness.

* * *

**Odd or Even episode**

Takasugi wanted to kill that Yato. Not because he irritated him. Well, that was one of many reasons. No. It was because that Harusame pirate wanted to kill that stupid, silver samurai. He wanted to kill the former Shiroyasha. By "kill," he meant keep Gintoki to himself. He cursed him in his mind, gaining the attention of a Yato. He shook his head.

These lingering feelings need to disappear.

It didn't help when their reunion rekindled a lust between them. No love confessions. No exchanges of soft words. Just one-night stands here and there. Takasugi didn't understand why the man had to return before dawn. He told him that he had kids that'll kick his ass if he wasn't there. I.e. they'll wander through Kabuki-chou just to find him.

While it sated their sexual desires, the one-eyed samurai sensed hesitation in Gin before the act. He told him they could put up a front. That they can be enemies in public, but physical lovers behind the scenes. However, the people around the idiot with a silver perm made him feel dirty for lying.

"Yet you're here." Takasugi walked away from the boat's window. He crouched down and stared into those crimson eyes. He asked, "Why do you keep returning to his place?" His boat now became the secret meeting place between him and Gintoki. No one else stepped onto their sanctuary. It belonged to them alone.

There was no answer. The one-eyed samurai sighed and stood up. He turned around to enjoy the view of the moon.

"I heard you became the protector of Yoshiwara," he said cooly. "Not to mention that a stupid Yato has it out for your blood. You gained some dangerous enemies, Gintoki."

"And you're not one?"

"I told you before." Takasugi looked at the silver-haired man. He was leaning against the wall, with his kimono covering his body. His pants and shirt was discarded in the corner of the room. "Only in public are we enemies. Only on this boat–" Takasuki walked towards the samurai, inches away from his face. "Are we lovers."

* * *

**Thorny (Baragaki) Arc**

No matter how much he wanted the silver samurai out of his terrorist life, Gintoki always found a way to worm into his plans. The latest one being a spy for the Mimawarigumi. What a pain. Still, he was at fault. He kept these feelings that were suppose to die that night. No, the heaven decided to torture him and Gintoki.

After all, they were the perfect subjects of lost feelings.

* * *

**Courtesan of a Nation (Ikkoku Keisei) Arc**

"You…you what?"

Takasugi looked away. He told Gintoki that he killed Sadasada. He assassinated the former shogun without remorse. That fat bastard deserved it. He took his, Zura, and Gintoki's beloved teacher from them. If he could revive the dead, the one-eyed samurai would have done it a thousand times and kill him in a thousand, different methods. The shock on Gin's face melted into a blank expression.

Was he angry? Satisfied that the man met justice? No, it was neither. The man looked at him with sad eyes.

"Thank you." That shocked him. Gintoki thanked the one-eyed Kiheitai was thanked for killing a person? "I could have killed him, but you beat me to it." Hiding his shock, Takasugi looked at the moon again. It was so bright.  
"You're just losing your spark."

"Maybe. Takasugi…let's end this." One surprise after another.

"Why?"

"I can't deal with this. We…we're not the same anymore." Gin stood up and faced away from his former friend and now former lover. "I thought we could go back to those times. All we're doing is just…lust. Takasugi–No, Shinsuke." Takasugi looked at him when the man turned his head around.

"We need to move on. Nothing good is gonna come out of this relationship. But still, I enjoyed your company. It reminded me of the good old days." Narrowing his eyes, Takasugi took a puff from his pipe. The smoke danced in front of him, with the wind killing it. Suddenly, his body moved on its own. He found his fingers wrapped around his former comrade's neck. They didn't squeeze too tightly.

"What brought this on?"

"Takasugi, I fell in love with someone else."

"'Fell in love?' Gintoki–"

"Sorry, but I don't think we can be lovers anymore."

"Heh." Takasugi's grip loosened, and his hand fell to his side. "You're tossing me aside then." The one-eyed samurai returned to the window, refusing to show his face. It was true. All feelings of love and that kind of crap disappeared. Only lust fueled it, but it was fading away. It had to stop, and this might be a good time. "I hope you get punished by the gods above. This is the last time I'll be seeing you then?"

"Yeah." Before the man with a silver perm left the boat, Takasugi called out his name.

"Gintoki."

"Hm?"

"The reason I started smoking…" The one-eyed samurai let out a chuckle. "It had a calming effect on me. Just like how you were when I was around you. I got addicted. Guess you can say…I did love you." An empty smile formed on his lips when the silver samurai departed from the boat.

As they were alone, one word echoed in their minds.

_"Baka."_

* * *

"Yorozuya." Gin snapped out of his memories. Rubbing his eyes, crimson stared into blue. "Good. I thought you were out for the night."

"…love you."

"Huh?"

"I love you." Gintoki smirked, saying, "Ogushi-kun." Hijikata scowled.

"Are you trying to mess with me?"

"No." The silver-haired man grabbed Hijikata's hand. "I'm confessing it. You can arrest me for taking so long." At first, there was nothing but blankness written on the Shinsengumi Vice-Commander's face. Suddenly, Gin felt himself laying on his back. The black-haired man crawled on top of him, a smirk etched on his face.

"Oh? Then, are you ready for your punishment?" Hijikata felt arms wrapping around his neck, pulling him closer to Gin's face.

"Bring it on."


End file.
